What Kind of Lover are You?
Scripture thought for this week:
Love one another as I have loved you.
John 13:34
Dear Friend,
Do you have life-long friendships and relationships that meet the needs you have for love? In the first year of our marriage we had a big fight. I (Clare) was so mad I packed my laundry basket [we didn't have suitcases yet :) ] and was going home to my mother! I (Scott) reminded Clare that her mother told her on the day of our wedding that she could not come home (unless she was in danger)and that she had to make her marriage work. We just celebrated 27 AMAZING years of marriage! We have friendships that have literally lasted our entire lives! We also have some relationships we would like to repair.
How is your love life? What kind of lover are you? Are your relationships full of the joy, peace, empowerment and security you have always hoped for? Everyone has stories of relationships that have either been love-giving or love-draining. Beginning in childhood, to your first friendships, through dates and marriage(s) you have either had people who have; loved you well, were inconsistent, or completely bankrupt in giving their love to you. Your relationship story has shaped who you are today as a good lover, mediocre lover or just plain missing it in the love story.
Can we change the way we love people? Can we close the door to an old way of loving and start again? Yes! That is the story of the Gospel. Where do we begin to live into the love we're dreaming of? How can we have the kinds of family relationships, friendships and marriages that hit on all cylinders in the love department? You have to start giving away the love you want to receive! Once again, God's Word has the answers. When you start practicing these, when you start living these principles yourself, you will find that you are earning "love dividends" on what you have invested!Make these choices from 1st Corinthians 13 for a love life that is off the charts!
Close the door on impatience: Love is patient. Slow down. Bite your tongue. Look for what God is teaching you about loving in a situation that tries your patience. Learn to pray in your mind what you almost said out loud.
Close the door to being unkind: There aretwo ways to say everything... and one of them is kind. Look for ways to show kindness that are unexpected. Make an encouraging phone call, send a funny card or an invitation to get together.
Close the door on envy: The green-eyed monster will sabotage relationships! Viewing people as having it "better" or having "more" than you, is toxic in a relationship. When you are feeling jealous go out of your way to thank God for the blessing you see that you desire for yourself. Then take it a step further and let the person you were envying hear a compliment or an encouragement from you.
Close the door on being easily angered: The Bible teaches us to be angry and sin not. Step back when someone has angered you. Think through what you need to say. Maybe even write it out. If you have trouble being tactful, share it with a trusted spiritual friend that can help you reframe your words so that you don't add "fuel to the fire."
Close the door on the record keeping of wrongs: Just like you, your friends and family members don't want you to remember all the wrong things they have done. This is a relationship paralyzer. Some things are extremely hard to forget. So learn to do what Jesus said, "every time you stand praying, forgive." Take the record to Jesus every time it comes up in your mind. You will start to receive mercy for the situation and you'll find you're loving people as Christ loves you.
Open the door to rejoicing in the truth: It's been said thatthe truth will set you free... but first it will make you miserable." Honest conversations are hard but must happen in good relationships. Hearing the truth from others about what kind of lover we are and sharing with your loved one what your needs are, are the ways to a relationship that ROCKS [i.e. is full and wonderful :)! ]
Action Steps: What ways can you communicate your love this week to the people who are most important to you? Do you need to forgive? Do you need to wave a white flag and call a truce? Send a card, flowers, make a phone call, make a meal? Do something that gives away the love you desire.
Remember,you will begin to "feel the love" when you love others as Christ has loved you.
Learning to Love,
Scott & Clare
Prayer: Father, teach us to love like Jesus. I lay down my pride and give what I have been hoping to receive. Give me the strength to be relentless in loving all the days of my life. . . and when I fall, I choose to get up and love again. Amen
©2008 Scott & Clare Loughrige
Do you have life-long friendships and relationships that meet the needs you have for love? In the first year of our marriage we had a big fight. I (Clare) was so mad I packed my laundry basket [we didn't have suitcases yet :) ] and was going home to my mother! I (Scott) reminded Clare that her mother told her on the day of our wedding that she could not come home (unless she was in danger)and that she had to make her marriage work. We just celebrated 27 AMAZING years of marriage! We have friendships that have literally lasted our entire lives! We also have some relationships we would like to repair.
How is your love life? What kind of lover are you? Are your relationships full of the joy, peace, empowerment and security you have always hoped for? Everyone has stories of relationships that have either been love-giving or love-draining. Beginning in childhood, to your first friendships, through dates and marriage(s) you have either had people who have; loved you well, were inconsistent, or completely bankrupt in giving their love to you. Your relationship story has shaped who you are today as a good lover, mediocre lover or just plain missing it in the love story.
Can we change the way we love people? Can we close the door to an old way of loving and start again? Yes! That is the story of the Gospel. Where do we begin to live into the love we're dreaming of? How can we have the kinds of family relationships, friendships and marriages that hit on all cylinders in the love department? You have to start giving away the love you want to receive! Once again, God's Word has the answers. When you start practicing these, when you start living these principles yourself, you will find that you are earning "love dividends" on what you have invested!Make these choices from 1st Corinthians 13 for a love life that is off the charts!
Close the door on impatience: Love is patient. Slow down. Bite your tongue. Look for what God is teaching you about loving in a situation that tries your patience. Learn to pray in your mind what you almost said out loud.
Close the door to being unkind: There aretwo ways to say everything... and one of them is kind. Look for ways to show kindness that are unexpected. Make an encouraging phone call, send a funny card or an invitation to get together.
Close the door on envy: The green-eyed monster will sabotage relationships! Viewing people as having it "better" or having "more" than you, is toxic in a relationship. When you are feeling jealous go out of your way to thank God for the blessing you see that you desire for yourself. Then take it a step further and let the person you were envying hear a compliment or an encouragement from you.
Close the door on being easily angered: The Bible teaches us to be angry and sin not. Step back when someone has angered you. Think through what you need to say. Maybe even write it out. If you have trouble being tactful, share it with a trusted spiritual friend that can help you reframe your words so that you don't add "fuel to the fire."
Close the door on the record keeping of wrongs: Just like you, your friends and family members don't want you to remember all the wrong things they have done. This is a relationship paralyzer. Some things are extremely hard to forget. So learn to do what Jesus said, "every time you stand praying, forgive." Take the record to Jesus every time it comes up in your mind. You will start to receive mercy for the situation and you'll find you're loving people as Christ loves you.
Open the door to rejoicing in the truth: It's been said thatthe truth will set you free... but first it will make you miserable." Honest conversations are hard but must happen in good relationships. Hearing the truth from others about what kind of lover we are and sharing with your loved one what your needs are, are the ways to a relationship that ROCKS [i.e. is full and wonderful :)! ]
Action Steps: What ways can you communicate your love this week to the people who are most important to you? Do you need to forgive? Do you need to wave a white flag and call a truce? Send a card, flowers, make a phone call, make a meal? Do something that gives away the love you desire.
Remember,you will begin to "feel the love" when you love others as Christ has loved you.
Learning to Love,
Scott & Clare
Prayer: Father, teach us to love like Jesus. I lay down my pride and give what I have been hoping to receive. Give me the strength to be relentless in loving all the days of my life. . . and when I fall, I choose to get up and love again. Amen
©2008 Scott & Clare Loughrige
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